July 25, 2013
….unless you have a cooler, better paying one waiting for you.
Some readings on Bi-Polar and Depression say that it’s a bad idea to quit your job or do anything rash while in a depressed or manic mode. (One of the most dangerous parts about the “mania” side of manic-depressive…is the rash superhuman feeling where people may make “rash sexual or financial decisions”, while during one of these episodes.) One challenge with that advice, is that there are sometimes in life, where we are STILL faced with decisions that must be made regardless of our mental states.
For me, the last few weeks have been such a case.
While in the unexplainable throws of sadness, there were a lot of great things going on…one of which was interviewing for, negotiating, and accepting an offer for a cool new job. More responsibilities, more money, and probably a different grab bag of “challenges” to deal with. Still, it has been hard to get excited for it because 1. my emotions have been doing crazy things in general. 2. I have mixed emotions specifically about leaving my current job, because I have poured a lot of myself into that company and have great affection for a lot of my teammates there. 3. I wasn’t allowed to really tell anyone…until today.
Ironically, I was super nervous, even though I held all the “power” because I am leaving, and there’s not much they can do about it. 5 times, I asked the CEO, “Hey, can we chat for like 5 minutes?” and 4 times he said “yeah later this afternoon.” Finally, he was already sitting in the proper ‘room of silence’. I got up and closed the door, took a deep breath, sat back down and said, “So I’ve really loved working here….” pause. Then his face processed the first half (and filled in the second half) and groaned playfully, “…but I’ve accepted a lead role somewhere else.” It ended up actually being a really nice conversation. I felt very supported: both in that he was happy for me to have opportunity because he likes me as a person, but also really appreciated my contribution to the team, and will miss me professionally.
You know that feeling during exam week, where you are excited to get through each exam, only to realize there is another just around the corner? I feel like I’ve just finished the last of the tough exams, now can relax, enjoy my friends, and tie up loose ends.
Previously, I had been holding my breath: first sneaking off for interviews:Made it: I think they like me and I like them. Exhale, inhale….Now must negotiate salary etc: verbal agreement. Exhale, inhale…now must discuss options, vesting, start dates, secretly talk to lawyer friends: agree on ambiguous start-day. Exhale, inhale…must wait to tell my existing boss, must ACTUALLY tell my existing boss, it goes well! Exhale. Tell the other designer. Exhale. Get excited. Exhale. Exhale.
I feel so relieved, and now can simply enjoy the ride.
Thank you, Universe, for it all going well today.
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