August 2, 2013
Well, its nearly midnight, the dogs have been fed and taken out, the girlfriend is sleeping. And my Lorazepan is just now starting to kick in. The agitated pent up energy that was threatening to burst out of me 20 minutes ago, has subsided to a dully sleepiness. Its much harder this week to get my daily drawing + rainforest music + blog post in, while sharing the cave with another, finishing one job and starting a new one. I will have to think of what time of day to do these daily reflections: it may have to be in the mornings. Hmm.
Things seem to be going well so far after day two of the new gig. I like the people, and like what I think i’ll be doing. I think I’ll need to go shopping to get nicer work clothes though. And sturdier noise-canceling headphones. Sometime when there is lots of background noise, I struggle to concentrate and want to roar and gobble everyone up. Not really. But noise canceling headphones should help. Also more exercise. I am happy and excited about the new job. But also all this adrenaline is getting really exhausting. Thats starting to make me more irritable. God, I feel like Charlie from Flowers from Algernon: does one REALLY just recess to being a big kid as we get older? Is this why psychology is all about getting to love the child within? Well, I was a good-natured, easy going cub, too scared to do anything wrong. Now I feel like I am becoming a more enlightened, in-touch-my-fucking-feelings grown-up, who is simply more aware when I want to cry when I am cranky and need a nap. I think I may also be a bit angry and scared of loosing myself back into this relationship. So part of me wants to exert my independence. But I have a feeling that means going and quietly doing my thing, not NOT doing my thing “for the sake of the relationship” and then getting angry about it. Its after midnight, and I am hungry again, and there is nothing to eat in my house.
Stop complaining grumpy bear…you lucky bastard: you just started a kick-ass job, and there is a beautiful naked woman asleep under your covers. Go get yourself a snack and GO TO BED….its officially past your bedtime.
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