August 29, 2013
Its amazing how listening to some Enimem during the work day can make you feel like you want to dominate yourself over something…so after a day of what felt like trying to swim through penut butter, I got up and went to the gym. BOOM.
Got my sweat on, and MAN does it feel good to be a gangsta!
With the rare endorphins surging through my system I felt so cool. Like the world was mine to take.
By the time I got home and tried to let the dogs out however, my emotions were back in that scared frustrated state again. Luckily, instead of curling up and crying, I forced myself to not explode until after I had cooked some food, and cleaned up the kitchen. Such discipline I would not have been capable of doing a month ago.
I also feel like every time I actually work out hard, I have a lot of mixed emotions. On one hand I am excited to tap into that Winning Beast of an animal who knows how to push themselves and achieve great things. Then, sometimes when I am working out, I experience great shame. Like all those weird feelings of getting caught and shamed as a kid. That awkward raw feeling of being a huge disappointment, and sort of dirty and naked. Therapists friends who are into body work or Somatic healing would likely say this is because we store a lot of emotional energy in our bodies, and working out, doing body work or even yoga and stretching helps release those energies that get trapped and stored in our bodies. Still it feels so weird to feel awesome one moment and totally raw the next.
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